Recovery – Muriel Verbist
by Sofie Crabbé
A woman is looking at us. She stares at us. We stare back. An act we can carry out rather casually, given that we’re observing photographic portraits. The format is reminiscent of identity card photos. We see a face, shoulders, and part of an upper body. A total of 32 shots. They are captured with razor-sharp focus and consistently composed using the same method: the subject is bathed in even, soft light, centrally positioned, tightly framed against a uniform light-grey background while any form of bodily expression remains absent. This conceptual approach renders all the photographs remarkably similar. At the same time, they remain far from identical. As one browses through the series, subtle changes in the body become perceptible alongside the alterations in the consistently sober and well-kept attire. Time reveals itself through a slow transformation. The redness of the skin and swelling under the eyes disappear. The convexity of the facial contours diminishes. Eyelashes, eyebrows, and head hair gradually begin to reappear.
We are observing the recovery process of photographer Muriel Verbist. On 4 February 2022, doctors diagnosed her with hormonal breast cancer. The treatment was drastic: initially, her right breast and ovaries were removed, followed by successive chemotherapy and radiotherapy sessions. She is currently undergoing 10 years of hormone therapy through medication. Her last chemo treatment took place in mid-August 2022. About a month later, when the immediate threat of cancer had passed, she began photographing herself. Her desire to document stemmed from a longing for a sense of stability, something she had lost after concluding the chemotherapy treatment—an illness will offer clear guidelines for existence.
Creating the self-portraits infused her with energy, courage, and hope. It gave her meaning and solace, serving as an antidote to the emptiness of the many days her body spent recovering from treatment. In her home, she set up a photo studio with all the necessary equipment: a camera mounted on a tripod, two LED lights, and a reflection screen on a stand. Every fortnight, she diligently created a portrait in her makeshift studio. It became somewhat of a ritual: switching on the LED lights and camera, taking a seat on a strategically placed chair, facing the lens, holding the self-timer, and capturing the moment. She found comfort in the systematic repetition of these specific actions. It brought structure to her days. Until December 31, 2023, the day she recorded the final image in the series, marking the end of her recovery period.
The self-portraits reveal every detail, every pore, every wrinkle in Muriel Verbist’s face. Her body has undergone irreversible changes. A part of her beauty has vanished: her straight, long, blonde locks, which had been a defining aspect of her personality and femininity for nearly her entire life, are now gone. The first image is particularly confronting. Her baldness immediately identifies her as a former patient. At the same time, the photographs refuse to reveal anything beyond this surface. Several elements contribute to this subversion, including the aforementioned soft lighting, the neutral background, and the expressionless face. What is the story that lies behind her gaze? What are the aftereffects of the treatment? How does she perceive herself? Does she feel at home in her new body? What remains hidden behind the facade of the face? The images conceal as much as they reveal.
Muriel Verbist manages to sensitively capture the penetrating vulnerability of the human body and its slow recovery. She presents a vital ode to survival and the beauty of recovery. A tangible defiance against disappearance, an intimate testimony of faith and perseverance. The photographic images freeze real moments, simultaneously and instantly relegating them to the past, hopefully for good.
